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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Jesus hates a long distance runner

Well, I was going to write about the California state court's sudden bout of common sense that led them to overturn the anti-gay state laws, but I'm sure everyone has heard the news. Instead, since I have been deluged with requests to do so, I'm going to make fun of this article about why Jesus wept so see a woman kick a soccer ball.

For quite a long time, women resisted the feminist call to play sports, since they just weren’t interested like men were. But this didn't sit well with the feminists; they felt this was the fault of male oppression. In the name of “equality,” feminist leaders poked and prodded and pushed women to join the games, until women in droves finally succumbed to the pressure.

I know it's hard to see in this photo, but in the background, if you squint really hard, you can see the feminist overlords holding whips and sending secret messages to the US team not to try to make a break for it. What looks like faces of truimph in this picture, then, can actually be read as cries for help--no, don't make us accept that trophy! We want to be good Christian housewives. Please, no!
One of the trends in schools is the participation in sports by women; therefore it shouldn’t surprise us that so many Christian daughters today participate in sports. But is this really all that bad?

Of course it's bad. For one thing, there's evidence that girls who participate in school sports are less likely to fall pregnant during high school, which means they are less likely to be married off by the time they are 21 and set to the task of popping out pups until their bodies give like Jesus wants them to.

I propose that sports greatly hinders the development of godly, Biblical, feminine character. Parents today expend extraordinary amounts of time and energy taking their daughters from one sports event to another, week after week, even to the point where it exhausts the family and family resources. The fruits we see are that today’s Christian women are often ill-prepared to be Biblically obedient wives and mothers.


If a girl gets raised in a family that treats her and her interests as if they were important and worthy of time and resources as if she were a son, she'll grow up to be that woman who actually sits down at dinner to eat instead of hovering above her husband all night making sure he's satisfied before she dare sneak a bite in the corner of the room.

Even some of the traditionally more feminine sports like gymnastics and ice skating are now influencing women to be more masculine.

The Bible talks about women developing a quiet and gentle spirit; I think sports fosters anything but that. They instead develop a competitive and contentious spirit that will cause them to have great difficulty in their marriages.

Translation: she'll backtalk her husband and say unfeminine things like, "Oh dear, I don't think it's the best idea to go to the school board meeting and say that you want our kids to be taught that dinosaurs and humans lived together." That's the sort of thing that can cause a marriage to go sour fast.

Most men I know admire a woman who is reasonably healthy and fit; they are also attracted to a woman who is somewhat “soft” and cuddly. This does not mean she should be delicate like tissue paper; no, a woman should be reasonably strong, and the normal duties of life will make her that way.

You'll get all the exercise you need lifting a baby in and out of a crib. Since you understand that family resources don't go to females, you won't need much exercise since you won't be eating enough to get fat anyway.

Female athletes also sneer, wince, push, and fight just like the men. I notice these things all the time in pictures in our hometown newspaper. The sneers are most obvious; they make young women very unfeminine. The masculine uniforms and sweaty bodies aren’t very attractive, either.

Women aren't to sneer, wince, push or fight for fear of offending a husband; apparently men sneering and pushing women is perfectly alright. Sports are not sexually attractive to middle-aged ministers, and as we recall by the Sermon on the Eyeliner, Jesus exhorted young women to remember that their ability to turn on old farts was their ticket to heaven.

Of course, the problem is that while it's not sexually appealing to men to be an athlete, it's also way too sexually appealing to men.

"A telltale sign of paganism is nudity. Historically, a primary means for introducing nudity into a culture has been through athletic competition which emphasizes form, movement, and the prowess of the body.... Christians should be wary of any educational process or cultural event which justify nakedness on the grounds of athletic freedom...."

It shouldn’t be a secret that women’s sports promote immodest attire. The pressure to be immodest is just one more reason women should avoid sports, and in many cases we shouldn’t even watch women’s (and sometimes men’s) sport competitions. The Apostle Paul often referred to how athletes ran races “unencumbered” (i.e. nude), because of the Greek influence in sports during his day. Based on what Mr. Eldridge writes, the question of whether or not women should participate in sports should be easy to answer.


So many questions pop into my head all at once reading this. Women participate in sports nude? I guess by this guy's reckoning, clothes that don't encumber movement are overtly sexual and pagan nudism. Which does cause one to wonder how fundies can have sex or even take a shit without falling into Athena worship, seeing how both activities require a lot more nudity than gymnastics.

But all that is less important to me than the picture he uses to illustrate how women in sports are all man-tempting nekkid harlots.

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758 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to say, I think the author is probably quite right that "sports greatly hinders the development of godly, Biblical, feminine character". Of course I don't think this is in any way a bad thing :)

3/15/2005

 
Blogger echidne said...

A funny article by the wingnut fundamentalist. Too bad it's not meant to be funny.

Congratulations on your moving to Pandagon, Amanda. I wish you luck and much success. Keep up the good work.

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3/16/2005

 
Blogger A. Truman North said...

You've given me a great deal of pleasure over the past few days, reading your work. It's a rare lefty who can captivate me (in fact, I can only think of three, including you). I've put up a rebuttal to the first part of your entry, regarding the gay marriage issue on my own blog.

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3/16/2005

 
Anonymous Bellman said...

Hey Amanda,

If you haven't already, come out and check out the Lonestar Rollergirls on Sunday (you can bring any confused middle-aged ministers if you like--they will end up more confused).

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Anonymous Bellman said...

Er, meant to give the info. It's at the old airport, Hangar 5. TXRD.com has all the info. My girlfriend "Helena Handbasket" will be kicking ass on Sunday.

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Anonymous Diane said...

HBO did this wonderful documentary--I can't recall the name of it--about all of the things that have been done in America to keep women out of sports. It is a very powerful film, and one that made me very angry. Everyone should see it.

3/16/2005

 
Blogger lawrence krubner said...

Reading this I mostly just wish we could decouple "women" from the country this fellow lives in. Women are diverse, it is not liberating for anyone, left or right, to try to come up with that one universal description of what women are like. I'm sure there are some women who really want to live Biblical lives. More power to them, I say. But no woman I know wants anything like that for themselves.

There's something really sad about the "What do women want?" debate. It seems to suggest that women are a mass produced commodity, all the same, a group which given the same inputs will always generate the same outputs, machine-like.

There is no question so disempowering as "What do women want?" A better question would be, "What does this woman want?" with the understanding that one woman might want things quite different from another.

How sad that its 2005 and we're still not there yet.

3/17/2005

 
Blogger lawrence krubner said...

Reading this I mostly just wish we could decouple "women" from the country this fellow lives in. Women are diverse, it is not liberating for anyone, left or right, to try to come up with that one universal description of what women are like. I'm sure there are some women who really want to live Biblical lives. More power to them, I say. But no woman I know wants anything like that for themselves.

There's something really sad about the "What do women want?" debate. It seems to suggest that women are a mass produced commodity, all the same, a group which given the same inputs will always generate the same outputs, machine-like.

There is no question so disempowering as "What do women want?" A better question would be, "What does this woman want?" with the understanding that one woman might want things quite different from another.

How sad that its 2005 and we're still not there yet.

3/17/2005

 
Blogger lawrence krubner said...

Reading this I mostly just wish we could decouple "women" from the country this fellow lives in. Women are diverse, it is not liberating for anyone, left or right, to try to come up with that one universal description of what women are like. I'm sure there are some women who really want to live Biblical lives. More power to them, I say. But no woman I know wants anything like that for themselves.

There's something really sad about the "What do women want?" debate. It seems to suggest that women are a mass produced commodity, all the same, a group which given the same inputs will always generate the same outputs, machine-like.

There is no question so disempowering as "What do women want?" A better question would be, "What does this woman want?" with the understanding that one woman might want things quite different from another.

How sad that its 2005 and we're still not there yet.

3/19/2005

 
Anonymous Ellen1910 said...

Well, Jesus General agrees, sort of.

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Blogger misterniceguy1960 said...

This doctrine is a trick of Satan to convince girls that Christianity is a joyless life-hating existence of drudgery and perpetual guilt.

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Blogger misterniceguy1960 said...

This doctrine is a trick of Satan to convince girls that Christianity is a joyless life-hating existence of drudgery and perpetual guilt.

And no, I am not being facetious.

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Anonymous Moopaw said...

Nudity a sign of paganism? I guess this guy never visited or saw pictures of the Sistine Chaple! Wait maybe Catholics (the founders of Christianity) are secretly pagans and therefore Christianity is really a sect of paganism.

I am the proud father of a woman athlete (two words any parent would love: Full Scholarship) and a strong beleiver that any woman can be what she chooses to be, and need not ask permission to try. I am also proud of my son and other daugther as well.

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